When someone irritates you

Dear Aditya,

The other day, I found myself in an argument I hadn't even signed up for.

It started off small, just a difference in opinion. Nothing major. But within minutes, the other person's voice got louder, their words got sharper, and I could feel my own frustration rising. You know that moment when your body tightens, your mind races with comebacks, and you just want to say something that puts the other person in their place? Yeah, I was right there.

It's funny, isn't it? We all know that staying calm is the better option. We've read about it, heard stories of wise people who practiced non-violence, maybe even nodded along to talks about emotional intelligence. But when someone is right in front of you, throwing their aggression your way, it takes everything in you not to snap back.

The number of people practicing meditation has tripled since 2012. More and more people are trying to understand themselves, to be better versions of who they were.

And still, aggression exists. In homes. At work. On the road. In conversations.

Why?

Because aggression isn't really about power, it's about disconnection.

A person lashes out when they are disconnected from themselves. And the moment we react with aggression, we mirror that same disconnection.

What helps me in these moments is asking myself: "Do I want to feel powerful right now, or do I want to feel in control?"

Power through aggression? That's short-lived. But control, the ability to stay grounded, to not let someone else's anger dictate your emotions, that is real strength.

Ramana Maharshi once said:
"The degree of freedom from unwanted thoughts and the degree of concentration on a single thought are the measures to gauge spiritual progress."

The more we master our reactions, the freer we become.

And if you want a weirdly effective way to practice patience? Try making ghee.

Seriously. You take butter, melt it on low heat, and just… wait. If you turn up the heat in frustration, you'll burn it. If you stir too aggressively, you'll ruin the process. But if you stay patient, just watching, skimming, and waiting, you end up with something pure, golden, and deeply nourishing.

And now take that ghee, slather it on a paratha or pizza or whatever (ghee tastes good with everything!) and enjoy your meal while someone else is busy being aggressive :-)

So here's my question for you: The next time you're faced with aggression, how will you choose to respond?

In fratitude,
adi