Personality is a byproduct

Dear Aditya,

Somewhere along the way, we were sold this idea that personality is something you design, like a character in a video game. We are told you should 'develop your personality'. And I agree, personality, your confidence, your presence, your ability to speak out, influence others and get your ideas out in the world, is probably the single most important factor leading to success and happiness.

So, what do you do? Being the growth oriented person you are, you look for ways to develop yourself, courses, videos, self-help books. You pick confidence, add a bit of charm, maybe throw in some public speaking skills, and boom, now you have a "good personality."

Haha. But real life doesn't work that way.

You don't become interesting by sitting around thinking about how to be interesting. Your personality isn't built by reading more books on it, joining another class, or consuming endless content on confidence.

Your personality is a byproduct.

I'm going to repeat that. Your personality is a byproduct.

When you make butter by churning cream, buttermilk is a byproduct.
When you make petrol by refining petroleum, tar is a byproduct.
When you make furniture out of wood, sawdust is a byproduct.

Similarly, when you live life boldly and participate fully in situations and opportunities that life presents, your personality develops. You become confident, clear, charming, courageous and cool.

I once met a guy who barely spoke English. His clothes? Nothing special. He didn't fit any conventional idea of "charming." But when he talked, you listened. His energy, his wit, his stories, there was something so effortless about the way he held attention. Not because he had carefully "designed" his personality, but because he had lived in a way that made him unforgettable.

Your personality is the sum of your experiences, not a checklist of traits you acquire. If you want to "work on yourself," go pick up a project, throw yourself into a challenge, say yes to things you don't feel ready for. Growth sneaks up on you while you're busy doing.

So, here's something for you to think about:
What's one thing you can throw yourself into this week?
What's one challenge you need to take?
What's one bold step that you haven't yet taken?
What's one comfort zone you are going to thrash?

Go do it this week. And watch your personality grow.

In fratitude,
adi