The Black Spot
Have you ever been accused of something you haven't done? I have and it's bizarre. The whole experience goes through several stages. At first, you may think its all a joke. You will even laugh.. But then, suddenly you realise that they actually mean it. Their face has hardened and their eyes are accusing. You are in a state of disbelief. Obviously, the laughter vaporises. You freeze. You make a feeble attempt to mumble your innocence, but the words just don't come. This is stage two. It is followed by something that sounds like a 'noooo, there must be a misunderstanding!' You attempt to make some sense. But, in vain. There is already too much emotion and negativity in the air. Welcome to stage three.
Now, comes stage four. You believe that you can sort this out. After all, you know you are completely innocent. The truth seems so clear. Naively, you believe that you can just tell your side of the story, and it will all be over. You ask for a face to face meeting. That's when it really hits you. They believe in their position as clearly as you believe in yours. They are unwilling to budge, and so are you. Why would you, right? The meeting soon deteriorates. There are allegations and accusations. Harsh and cruel words are exchanged that are sure to be regretted later.
Your head and heart churns in the aftermath - a toxic cocktail of anger, indignation, disbelief, confusion, and desperation. You scan yourself, trying to find out if you inadvertently said or did something that could have been misconstrued. Your mind is blank. There are so many questions. Why me? Why are they saying this? How could they even imagine such a thing? Don't they know me? It's worse when you expect certain people to trust you unquestioningly, and that doesn't happen. Ha ha ha :-(
Congratulations! Now you have a black spot. It may be painful initially to realise that you now have this blemish forever. But, if you search within, you will soon discover that the so-called 'black spot' has many merits. Allow me to list a few:
1. It reminds you to stay grounded. Always stay humble.
2. You now know how it feels to be wrongly judged and accused. Never do that to anyone else.
3. You experience profound gratitude for those who stood by you unquestionably.
4. It serves as a reminder that in any conflict, all parties have a perspective, and they believe in their perspective as strongly as you do in yours. There are no absolute rights and wrongs, there are only perceptions.
5. Finally, your black spot tells you no matter what you do, there will always be some people that don't like you or believe that they have been hurt by you in some way. Have compassion for them.
In this entire process, people get hurt and relationships are torn apart. The right thing to do is to slow down, introspect, and make the black spot your friend. It will become your teacher and your guide. Let's allow egos and defensiveness to subside. Let's understand each other's perspectives. And then, gently the hurts will begin to heal. The black sport will stay on. But, it will be beautiful.