The moral 'high ground'

When he came to my mother for a job, he was 16 years old. I was 6 or 7. He came from Bihar. He was a hard worker. Whatever work was given, he would not rest until its done.

He would tell me and my sister the story of the dwarf whose beard was longer than his height. He would feed us with his hands. He would come to deliver our lunch to our school on his cycle. Once he got into a fight because some rickshaw driver was teasing a girl who had come to deliver one of the school kid’s lunch box. He ended up with a broken nose, but he fought for that girl.

He now takes care of my father’s property about 40 kms from where we live. He even purchased his own piece of land some years back.

A few years, his daughter got married to a boy in Ranchi. She was just 18. He came with a box of sweets to give me the ‘good news'. I was so angry. She was a smart girl and had topped her school in 10th. I refused to take the sweets. He cried. I felt I am doing the ‘right thing’ by discouraging the marriage. I felt I had the moral high ground.

His reality is different from yours and mine. He is a good man. He has taken care of his daughters well. Here in this state, he and his family are considered outsiders. The locals see them as ‘foreigners’. What should I have done? Would it have been right to stop the marriage? What would the girl do? Who will give her a job? Who will find a local boy for her?

It’s not as simple as we think. It’s easy to think of right and wrong. It’s easy to think of equality and rights. But, it’s important to understand the other persons ground reality too. Else, I might end up doing more harm than good.

There are times in many close relationships, I find myself taking on the moral high ground. When a friend commits a mistake. When a family member breaks a commitment. When my child sheepishly says a little lie. It’s easy for me to hide behind what is ‘right’ and forget about why they did what they did. It easy for me to focus on the symptoms, and not the root cause.

But, it doesn’t create impact. What do you think, my dear friends?